Memories

Once upon a time a girl was living like in a fairytale. She had a boy who strongly believed in her and her gifts.

Although in truth she never lived up to his hidden expectations and like lots of other stories also this one had to end. The ending was, of course, not a happy one for the girl. She still believes that she will be as happy as she once was.

Sunny Bisk

I had to buy some pots for numerous tomato plants that I received from others. I always say I won't take more than three but every year I end up having at least five to take care of. If I plant them in the garden they die soon. Moor is not a good place to grow tomatoes, it is far too wet and sooner or later mildew brings them to their end.This time I forgot to take my shopping list with me, so I had to think hard what we needed from the supermarket. So, I did it the old way, like in the days when I was still living with B. It felt good when I was putting things into my shopping basket that usually "cost too much". And then I spotted familiar box among other cereal boxes - Sunny Bisk. I had to smile. I ate these biscuits for the first time in New Zealand when I was there on holidays with B. We liked them so much that we wrote a letter to the factory where they were made if they could start selling them in Slovenia, too. There was no response, of course. Yesterday the box of these biscuits ended up in my shopping basket. I usually eat them with milk, raisins, apple and banana. Mmm...

Spring days

First days in April were incredibly warm and this year everything is in bloom and bursting at least a couple of weeks sooner than other years. What's been happening? In my opinion this is rather weird. I keep noticing strange things that keep happening around me. Nature has been changing extremely fast and people don't seem to be happy anymore. Or maybe it just seems so because I am not happy?I was out quite often these past days, almost every day riding around with my bike. It felt sooo good! :) But my gear levers (I hope this is the right word) stopped working completely, so I could drive only on the flat roads and paths. I asked the guy at the bicycle service if he could do anything about the gear levers and he said: "Yes." Yesterday in the evening I came to pick up my "means of transport" and that guy told me that I (still, after more than ten years) have a very good bicycle. "It must have cost you a fortune back then," he said. At that moment I realized that someone someday actually took a good care of me. A long, long time ago. And it felt so good to remember those good old days.

Have a wonderful weekend! I know mine will be good because I will be among friends and children. Without my bike this time. :)

Guardian angels

Belief in a guardian angel appointed to guide and watch over each human being is part of most religious systems and is gaining ground again with newer spiritual teachings. It is however, often dismissed as mere fancy or figurative speech although many stories abound of the miraculous intervention of these beings in the lives of people - especially children - when threatened with danger.

~Margaret Jonas; introduction to the book Guardian Angels by Rudolf Steiner~

When I was a child, living at grandparent's house, each evening when I went to sleep, my grandmom came to the room and we said a prayer, asking our guardian angel to guide and watch over us. I often remember this prayer. I am not religious in that sense that I would visit church or any such institutions, but I do believe that there is something out there that helps us when we really need this. Call it an angel, a spirit or whatever you like.

Last week I was reading some of the newspapers and I came across an article about Tarek Rasouli, ex-freerider. B was/is a freerider and downhill rider as well, so it is easy to understand why I read such articles at all. His addiction had a bit of influence over my life as well. Obviously. He was my Teacher. I was reading the article with amazement. Tarek had received warnings before his accident but ignored them completely. Guardian angel?

Anyway, his will to live his life fully is so strong that I was astonished. My problems became small compared to his, who can't and probably never will walk again.

I speak to the fairies, I speak to the dwarfs, to the trees and plants, to animals and sometimes even to the angels. If this makes me weird, then I am; and I don't care.

Internet connection

Somebody in the office above us had cut the phone cable. We had been without internet and phone connection because of this. Right, it was peaceful, very peaceful in the office and we spent lots of pleasant moments chatting about all sorts of things. Not only about the birds.

Memories
Yesterday five years ago was the last happy day of my ‘previous’ live. I was in London on that day. The happiest woman in the world. How quickly our happy world can collapse.

DressI exchanged it for the same dress of different color. I really didn’t like that green although I looked nice in it.

Old pictures
I spent the afternoon on Sunday at my grandparents. Together with my parents. We did some work, we ate a lot. My grandmom was very tired. She's got too much work to do and we are living too far away to help her with it every day. I decided to take some shots of those old photos she keeps in a box. They've been there for a few decades and here they are the first time out in the world.

My grandgrandmother Marija. My grandmom's mom. My grandgrandfather Ivan. My granddad's dad. He was from Poland, from a small village of Mecina.

In my house

I just wonder why my life can't for once be a happy one again. I have put a lot of hope into this year but many events happened that would have pushed some people over the edge. I am still here and kicking. I was just thinking of buying some new furniture for my house and what happened? This:
When you see something like this in your house then it is certainly time to ring an alarm. I don’t know what’s happening; experts will come to see this dampness today. I am afraid that there will be lots of damage. If nothing else the kitchen elements will have to be taken apart. In two days mould infested the walls, so they will have to be repainted. My dad is an optimist, I am not. I thought of going on a short vacation at the end of April but it seems that I will spend the money for renovation of practically a new house. Great! I am off to Ikea on Thursday but it seems to me that I will be buying only fabric and some small stuff which can be easily put in a box and moved to another location. The prices of real estate are enormous here in Slovenia. I can’t imagine buying a house today, only five years after I bought mine. Not even in my dreams. Although this was the first thought I had: sell the house and buy one somewhere where the water isn’t half a meter below the ground floor. I still have a little hope that everything will be alright. I don’t know what I would do without my dad. He is the one who takes care of everything when all things seem hopeless. Sometimes I just wish I could run away from all the worries. A hug helps sometimes. An ice cream, too. And a thought that I am healthy and that I live in a peaceful country. At least I hope so.

A book

I went to a bookstore yesterday in the afternoon. I like browsing through the books although usually I don't buy anything. Books in Slovenia are very expensive and for this reason I visit our local library instead of buying books.
This time I stopped in the childrens' book department first and I saw it again: the Slovenian version of Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney and illustrated by Anita Jeram.

Many years ago I gave this book as a present to somebody I loved. Right up to the moon... AND BACK. Perhaps for the nostalgic reasons I had to have this book. As this man has a very special meaning in my life.
Now I finally own it, this fine book. It is on the list of my favorites. And this list is very short. I kept touching the book yesterday and I read it a couple of times. Although it has a hardcover, it is soft when you touch it. Especially when there are such sweet and gentle memories in your heart as mine are.

Munich

I used to travel to Munich in Germany quite a lot, usually for business. But that was some other time in my life. I liked some shops there very much, like Kunst und Spiel, which was my favorite. Their web site is not very nice, but the shop itself is amazing. Small, but full of beautiful items. Visit of one of the Reformhauses or Naturkosts was of course obligatory, as in those times the shops with organic food in Slovenia were really rare. Today you can buy organic food on every corner and as you could probably notice in my post with the photos from the market, all sorts of Demeter food as well. For lunch I almost always went to an excellent Buxs self-service restaurant. Sometimes I ate in a local Italian restaurant with home made pasta. I also bought natural paints for the walls in my ex-home in one of the small shops in Munich. Once a year I went shopping to Ikea and just recently I found out that all the furniture I have in my home is from there.
I miss those days a lot.

Anniversaries

Anniversary No. 1:
This Saturday we celebrated the 60th wedding anniversary of my grandparents. I made little favors for this occassion. It took lots of time to do these small packages. Fortunately my hands were not trembling. :)

Anniversary No. 2:
October 14 and 15, 1995 have a special place in my memories. The weather on those days was as beautiful and clear as it is today. Clear blue sky, no wind. It was so peaceful. I drove with a charming and beautiful young man to an island Krk in Croatia, where we boarded a small sailing boat and with that little wind there was, we sailed around the beautiful bays with azure blue water. It was too cold to go swimming (at least for me, the water temperature was 19 degrees C). I don't remember what exactly we were doing but I remember that he cooked a delicious lunch for us, a risotto with saffron, and tomato salad. I was so happy I hadn't have to cook as at that time I wasn't cooking at all. In the evening he told me half of a fairytale I used to listen when I was a little girl. That evening he gained my heart and I gained his. Unfortunately our fairytale didn't have a happy ending. I think I will never know why.

16. september 1995

Bil je čaroben dan. Praznovali smo tam, kjer sem preživela mladost. Povsem slučajno se je pripeljal mimo. Skoraj ga nisem spoznala, saj ga nisem videla več kot 10 let. Prelep mlad fant. In beseda je stekla. Ujela sva se, že s prvim stavkom. Mesec kasneje sva postala par. Manj kot leto kasneje sva se poročila. Bila sva Eno.

A zgodba nima srečnega konca. Žal ne. Še danes ne vem, zakaj ni smela imeti srečnega konca.