Thursday, December 15, 2011


I found out when troubles with health have begun that I need to change my lifestyle. I've been nervous, sad, angry and worried for too long. After seven years or so I joined gym classes again. I might be walking ten hours straight or do more push-ups than other girls but my motor skills are at zero. I stopped drinking milk for a while and I keep trying to eat more fruit and vegetables. Actually I used to live on milk and sweets and cereals. I slowed down a bit, doing things I like to do. It was scary to find out that my life is too stressful and that my nervous system stopped functioning as it should. In a way this happened when I said: "I can't live like that anymore." And with these words my body gave up.When I was in mountains for the last time this year I realized that I wouldn't mind if snow fell there. I had to slow down, I had to solve the problems I had at home. Soon after that I found a book in my library, almost 80 years old, in which Josip Wester, a teacher, is describing his hikes in our mountains. I had tears in my eyes when I read some paragraphs. It is an amazing book, full of historical events and sometimes also names. I felt enormous peace when I was slowly turning the pages of this book. I didn't need to go up there to feel at peace.

So, this is just a beginning. If I won't listen to my body and soul I might get seriously ill. Hopefully my heartbeat will get normal soon. In fact all I need is lots of love and care at the moment. Then life won't look so dark and hopeless. Because I know that it is not.


Maja said...

Kako zelo te razumem! Jaz sem sklenila, da se tega ne grem več, oktobra. Uživam sama doma in organsko ne prenesem nikogar v svoji bližini. Strašno pa mi je fajn ob koncih tedna, ki jih v hribih preživljam z nekom, ki ima popolnoma iste interese v življenju kot jaz. In me pusti čisto na miru, kadar me je treba pustiti na miru, ter me uči stvari, za katere sem vselej mislila, da me ne bo nikdar nihče učil.

Kakor se bržkone trapasto sliši, mene je bolj kot hrana ali stresno življenje (vendarle jem zdravo in obstajajo še dosti bolj stresne službe) zastrupljala nedomačnost doma oz. prisotnost osebe v mojem življenju, ki je sicer kul oseba, ampak ne zame oz. z menoj. In, ja, teh oseb je bilo več. Saj vem, da ljudje niso strup, ampak mene je ubijalo to, da to ni bilo to ;-).

Pina said...

Mmmmm, vidim, da tripava na isti valovni dolžini. Mi vidiš v dušo, ane, tudi če nič ne rečem? :)

Hvala, Maja!

Bodecea said...

Maybe it's a little comfort for you but - in a week, the deepest valley of darkness is over and we go up into the lighter time again.

Emily said...

Good luck on your journey, Pina. It sounds like it will ultimately be a very rewarding one. It's wonderful that you can see this need in yourself - so many people go through life without that self-awareness.
Love and (internal) light to you,
Emily x

Pina said...

Thank you, Bodecea and Emily, for encouraging words. Once I read somewhere these words: There will be feasting, peace, rest and joy. I do hope that it will be soon so.