The happiest days in my life (part 2)

I should have known. At your age, in a string of days the year is gone. But in that space of time, it takes so long.
~ How you’ve grown by 10,000 Maniacs

And in fact, I called Adam one day from Finland and indeed, I traveled all that way to London (though, this was never the plan) where he waited for me on 22th August. It was also hard to believe that I had a chance to sleep in a home of an unknown person (Adam’s friend) in the center of London!

The next day we drove to Derby to visit his mom Sandra and later on to Liverpool where I spent a few days with him, and of course, had those promised pancakes, too. While I was staying there I got to know a different life from the one that I lived at home. I felt alive! You know, Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields ... and lots of people telling me how lucky I was. Sure I was!

I am only sorry that we didn’t end our relationship then, that August. Instead he came to visit me in Slovenia and I stayed with him in the UK over Christmas and a New Year. I came back home in tears. We just lived too far away from each other and we were too different to be happy together. But nevermind, with that single hug and one fleeting kiss he brought immense happiness into my life for just a moment. And that counts more than anything else that happened between us after that.

I wonder what you’re doing today, Adam G. M. I hope that you are happy and that you have many good reasons to smile every single day of your life.

The happiest days in my life (part 1)

These are days you’ll remember. Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this. And as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky.
~ These are Days* by 10,000 Maniacs

Yesterday has been 20 years since the day I met Adam. I stayed in Gjeste Bu in Lillehammer and I was very brave in the eyes of my dad because I decided to travel around Europe alone. Though, at first I wanted to go to the USA to one of the children’s camps and work there over the summer. Actually I was accepted to go but in the last moment I canceled it, bought an Interrail ticket and took a tour through the northern European countries instead. The path took me through Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and finally through Germany, Holland, Belgium and France to the UK. I still wonder who was waiting for me over the Atlantic Ocean.

Gjeste Bu was a wonderful hostel, different from all the others I visited that August (well, except the ship hostel Af Chapman in Stockholm). I was writing my diary that day while two guys and two girls were chatting on the beds next to mine. Later I was told that the girls were from Holland, Mike was from Australia and Adam “the Boy” was from the UK. The guys wrote a few lines into my diary, both inviting me to visit them. Well, actually Adam later asked me to add something and it was an invitation to meet him the next day in Oslo at the central station.

In your reckless mind, you act as if you’ve got more lives. In your reckless eyes, it’s never too late for a chance to seize some final breath of freedom.
~ Noah’s Dove* by 10,000 Maniacs

He was far from what I call(ed) “the perfect man” but anyway I appeared there, on 12th August 1994, in front of the McDonald’s in Oslo. Was I naïve or just bold? More curious than anything else. I had to go to Oslo anyway. He was there, too. He prepared lunch for us – strawberry yogurt mixed with broken chocolate pieces and a banana. We were sitting on the floor (which was a little bit weird) and later on the steps in front of the station. He talked a lot but I could hardly understand his accent. He was from Derby, living in Liverpool. Another invitation came, written down into my diary, to visit him in Liverpool for the pancakes with peaches and cream.

We said farewell a bit later when he had to catch a train to the place where he stayed then. Farewell, yes; I expected a “goodbye” and a wave with his hand but instead he hugged me and didn’t let me go. We were embraced almost a minute and then, when he let me go, he kissed me, quickly, on my lips. I said goodbye, turned around and never looked back because my cheeks were so red and I was very, very embarrassed. But in that moment my life changed forever. I saw the whole world in a different light. I was simply happy. I have never been happier before or ever since. Sad, isn’t it? This feeling of happines lasted only about a month (or two?), the pressure from an everyday society (parents) was just too strong.

* Songs I played over and over again from that summer on, strongly believing that miracles do happen. And I still believe they do.

Sunny Bisk

I had to buy some pots for numerous tomato plants that I received from others. I always say I won't take more than three but every year I end up having at least five to take care of. If I plant them in the garden they die soon. Moor is not a good place to grow tomatoes, it is far too wet and sooner or later mildew brings them to their end.This time I forgot to take my shopping list with me, so I had to think hard what we needed from the supermarket. So, I did it the old way, like in the days when I was still living with B. It felt good when I was putting things into my shopping basket that usually "cost too much". And then I spotted familiar box among other cereal boxes - Sunny Bisk. I had to smile. I ate these biscuits for the first time in New Zealand when I was there on holidays with B. We liked them so much that we wrote a letter to the factory where they were made if they could start selling them in Slovenia, too. There was no response, of course. Yesterday the box of these biscuits ended up in my shopping basket. I usually eat them with milk, raisins, apple and banana. Mmm...

Fresh clothes

First washing machine (with dryer included) was given to me and B by my dad when we moved on our own. It was a good one, serving me for exactly 15 years. Since I've been living in my new house, I've been having problems with hardness of the water, so the washing machine wasn't working properly anymore. The other day it stopped working completely, so a new one came into my home. I preferred the old one, although this new one is quieter. I am not fond of that large button sticking out, and when it was on yesterday in the evening, the display was so bright that I didn't need to switch on the light when I picked something from this room. But hopefully it will work for another 15 years or so...

So, one more tick on my list. Well done. But there are more tasks to be done soon.

Through the night

I have always wondered why men sleep in their underwear. It was so funny this morning to see my neighbor walking around in his underwear when he woke up in the morning... Though, I know of one, only one man who sleeps in his pajamas... well, actually he sleeps in his nightgown. :)

Once upon a time, almost exactly 15 years ago, we were both standing next to the van we rented, on a parking place by one of those solitary roads that cross New Zealand. We placed the camera to take a photo of us, me in pajamas, he in nightgown. I tell you, I have to laugh every time I remember this moment, or even see that photo... Me in pants and B in skirt. Exactly then a car with a man behind the wheel passed by. Probably he thought that we were insane. But... we were only happy.

Good night.

Beauty & fun

This morning we've been singing in the office. The same song over and over again. My favorite at the moment. Tiste lepe dni by Neisha. Those beautiful days... How do we yearn for some things that are gone forever...

I think it was about ten years ago when a colleague asked me and B to attend a TV quiz (Newlyweds). We did and we won (a trip to Jamaica, btw). Before stepping in front of the cameras I was completely changed by a make-up stylist (or however these people are called). When B saw me, he didn't like me at all. He even didn't want to kiss me, he was so much rejected by the smell of the cosmetics. My mom thought I looked great. Though, that wasn't me. I have never used any cosmetics since then. Though, the other day I thought of using it again. So, this ended in my shopping cart yesterday: Just in case. Usually I need such things for the Carnival.

Speaking of beauty, I thought also of an event that happened two weeks ago. I thought of sharing this with you last Monday, but you know what happened then... So, to make the long story short, that Friday I was invited to join our wolf-howling group in the evening. And I did, together with Ž. The meeting was in a lovely place, actually a local club, full of medieval armor and paintings. In the back room there were billiard and football tables and in the garage was a place for archery, full of bows and arrows. We baked chestnuts, drank wine and elderberry syrup. And we talked about wolves, of course. And about Native Americans, bows, armor, books, nature... I was so happy to be among people who liked the same things as me.

All the time Resian folk music was playing. At some point I thought of trying to play billiard (the second time in my life!), so others slowly joined me in the back room, and showed me how to play it properly. Later I danced around the rooms, checking the armor and paintings on the walls. Resian folk music is funny, but I doubt I could listen to it all day long. So, one of the guys thought of teaching me the basic steps of the Resian dance. It was great fun!When we were leaving, I said: "I haven't had such great time in a long time!" And that guy who taught me how to dance answered: "What kind of life do you have then?"

Karma for today: Be good-natured.

Robin who?

My friend is off to California with her family this weekend. Safe and happy journey! I hope to see those giant trees once, too. We met for an ice cream yesterday and after that I checked what was playing in the movies. Well, the truth is that I wanted to see Robin Hood, and it was still playing. I haven't seen so much violence lately; if I remember correctly, The Lord of the Rings was the last violent movie that I saw. Life in the 12th century wasn't easy, I imagine. I can't say that I enjoyed in the story as much as I did watching Julia & Julie or Slumdog Millionaire, but it did lift my spirits. One of the treasures I have at home is my bow; I think I told you that before. So, maybe it is time to bend it again and shoot some arrows in the nearest target. Maybe.

There are certain interests that haven't disappeared from my consciousness since my childhood. Archery, Native Americans, mathematics, flowers. After all, also climbing trees, if I had a tree nearby to climb. Reading books. When I was in my teens, I read Robin Hood. I cried at the end of a story when he died. Well, this movie is different. You've heard this before, I assume. :)

On Wednesday I spent an evening with my parents. Actually, I watched a movie at their house by coincidence. After it was over and I was putting my shoes on, my dad shouted from his room: »Why don't you get yourself a TV?« My answer was simple: »If I want to watch something, I come to your house. And after all, I'm sure I would spend too much of my life behind the screen.« Sometimes people forget living their lives, spending so much time watching TV. Well, in a way this is their life. They do know everything about politics and accidents and who killed who, but do they have their own (hopefully happy) stories to share?

Karma for today: Let others have their own beliefs.

Riding on the wings of freedom

I have officially become an editor of our magazine for a year 2010. I am aware that I will work hard, especially because I am not an expert for birds. I will need lots of help, but this is not so bad. Communication of this sort binds people and makes their brain work. The hardest part for me will be writing an editorial. I have always avoided this, but now I have no choice. I already know which photo of me will be published with it. One, taken almost six years ago, on which I am with my colleagues after a bird monitoring. We were out there counting birds for two days and one night. Those were some of the happiest moments in my life. I felt free and I felt like the whole world could be mine. A day of joy.

During Christmas holidays my world was shattered again. But I feel in peace with myself. I just wish that this feeling would last. The call for freedom has come. I know that 2010 will be a good year. I hope that not just for me, but for you, too.

Little piece of history

Her name was Marija, but she was called Marica. She was my dad's aunt, sister of his mother. She was more beautiful than my grandmom, with smaller and straight nose, her skin looked without wrinkles also when she was very old. She died a few days after I started to work here where I work now, at the age of 94. She spent her last years in the old people's home, and yet then she actually started to live her life fully – she didn't color her hair anymore, and she was really beautiful then with her natural hair color and plain hairstyle, she found new friends – imagine, she was alone most of her life, having only a few friends and family around every now and then (hey, that sounds like me!).She was in love with someone who was killed in the war. So she was never married and she didn't have any children. She was a strict woman, her home was always clean and tidy. We visited her often when she lived close to our home, but later she moved away when she swapped her flat for the one of her nephews'. Bigger for smaller, few rooms in a house with a garden for few rooms on the 7th floor.

Always when I traveled, I sent her a postcard. Not that I really liked her – she was a strict woman after all – but I thought that she might like receiving a postcard from faraway places. And she did, as I was told later, when she died. She actually left me a small golden pendant in her will, some money and a few pieces of furniture that I have never received; though I have never expected to receive anything from her. She also gave me and B a wedding gift - that was a big surprise!

When I was still living with my parents, she came for a visit from time to time. She always brought that kind of sweets that you can see on a photo. Always. She never brought anything else, at least I don't remember that she would have. Believe it or not, but always when I see this kind of sweets in a shop, I remember her.

Helping hands

My dad knows that he won't be able to work much longer due to his illness, so he is trying to do something good every day and trying to follow well known proverb - seize the day. Sometimes this is a bit annoying for other people, who are not aware at this moment that they will not live forever either.

On Saturday we were helping him to cover the roof on a weekend house that he built mostly by his own hands. We spent almost, really almost every weekend there up to my 17th year of age when we moved to our new home. It was actually our second home, to where my parents escaped from my grandparents and some other relatives. We used to live in a cellar of my grandparents' house, in one room with a kitchen and bathroom. So, when coming to my parents' weekend house, it was like coming to a castle. It was spacious, bright and warm. Older we got, less willingly my brother and I were coming up there to the woods.

Today my brother lives there. I enjoy my stay up there whenever I visit him or my parents in that rather charming house. Nice memories bind us to that place.

We did a good job on Saturday. My brother baked vegetarian pizza and made delicious lemonade. We had a chat with local farmer and were working diligently from morning to late afternoon. It was nice day indeed.

Yesterday Ž and I drove to Slivje, a place where dogwood grows. Instead of picking its berries (not ripe and too dry), we came home with barberries. I will use them for jam. Well, at least that's a plan...

I hope you had a wonderful weekend!

The weird one

Sometimes I think I am funny and weird doing some things. Like going to the graveyards looking for the information about my ancestors.

On Saturday we stopped in the village where my grandmom was born. Well, actually in the village nearby. While the guys were drinking their beer, I went to the graveyard, trying to find the last resting place of my grand grandparents. I didn't find it. Maybe there's another graveyard nearby, but the state in which my grandmom is right now, I didn't dare to ask her.Yesterday it would be the 137th birthday of my grand granddad from Poland. He lived in the times when Crazy Horse lived. So, so far away. Often I think of this when I see the tree giants which are more than 100 years old. All this makes me think that I should really seize the days I still have in front of me, not planning so much and not living in the past, remembering those happy times too much. I have to live life now, this moment. Not tomorrow. And the past is gone and it will never come back again.

P.s.: The flowers on the photo are in full bloom at this time of the year. Few and far between... They will disapear very soon if we are going to do with the nature what we are doing right now. At least here, where I live.

Past week

Through the woods and meadows, counting the birds. I have learned a lot, but still, there's so much more to learn.

Browsing through the selection of seeds in the shop. They are still in the packages, all of them. Today I will plant the pumpkins.

The first flower on my windows. I have already planted all of them. This year I like it red, and red were some tulips in my backyard.

Memories of the good days spent where Ž lives. This river has so much to share with us, only if we listen. Sometimes I ask this river, river Mura, to whisper nice words for me into Ž's ears. It is interesting that I became fond of those places this spring. I'd always preferred mountains to the flatlands, but this year I started to like those, too. Sometimes I am so at ease, being driven around, on the roads through the fields, meadows and woods. I hope that this feeling didn't come too late.

Do you have such experience, too, that you started to like something that you had not been really fond of before?

Old notes

If you don't go, you don't have a story.

Usually, when I have to heal my heart and soul, I take the book called Planets in Transit by Robert Hand from my bookshelf and I "look into my stars". This is not only a book in which you are able to find the descriptions of the planet transits, among the lines one is able to find the stimulative words of wisdom, too - don't give up, you will make it, soon; all this is necessary to happen in order to live a happy life after that.

This book was a great consolation for me in 2003 when I split up with B. Yesterday when I took this book into my hands again, I found in it the old leaflets I wrote that year. Tears were running down my cheeks when I remembered how hard it was; and yet it was wonderful, too. It was a great year; if only the pain wasn't tearing apart my heart and soul. One of the leaflets has the date of my birthday on it. What a treasure I found! It was a bright, sunny day, never before and never after the weather was so beautiful on my birthday. I lived in Kranjska Gora then, so around noon that day I took a ride by my bicycle up on the pass called Vršič. 1611 m high, 24 bends and for me about 800 m of difference in height and 12 km to go. I needed 1:16h to the top, I took care that my pulse was around 150 beats/minute all the time, my average speed (up&down) was 22,80 km/h, I needed for the whole ride 1:45h and my maximum speed downhill was 60,7 km/h! What a ride it was!

On the top of the pass I felt that I could embrace the whole world; I spoke to the people and I even invited one of them, a complete stranger, for a birthday cake. I loved the world in that moment and I felt that everything would be all right one day. I was happy. My day ended in tears and I felt unhappy as never before. But that's another story.

On the race in September, after a week of sudden illness, I needed 1:08h up that pass, I crossed the finish line only 3 minutes after my dad and less than 15 minutes after the first woman. Not bad. Cycling is another therapy that I use for healing the broken heart or similar stress situations. Though I hope that this year I will be riding my bike again for a different reason - to win the Vršič pass again for the sake of such a great memory that I shared with you today. I will never be that fast again but this doesn't really matter.

P.s.: You too can look into your stars if you wish, visiting this web site - click (under free horoscopes).

A poem

On Monday I borrowed a book from the library, its title is Love medicine. I started to read it but stopped after a few chapters. There is enough gloominess in my everyday life, I don't need an extra portion of it from the book. I always stop reading such books, no matter how popular they might be or how many awards they received. I need happy and positive things in life, really. I still cry too often. What surprised me when I opened the front cover was this inscription:As this past weekend was a happy one for one of the readers of my blog, I thought of her when I saw it and remembered the happiest time in my life. I have pondered over the months weather to post a poem, that has special meaning in my life, but such happy occasions when you meet a kindred spirit don't happen very often. So why not?

Today has been a long day.
I felt wanted, needed, cared for and rejected.
I've said the right things, I've done the right things.
I moved away and taken space. And given space.
I've been where there is only open space.
I look up, down and around.
I saw a lot but still I felt I had to return.
And then I felt wanted once again.
Now this long day is over and my mind is at ease.
I feel happy and ready once again to feel all I had today.

The poem was told to me on 12 August 1994 on the stairs of the Oslo Central Train Station in Norway. By 'the boy'. I don't know who is the author of it (if you happen to know, drop me a line, please).

My days like this one in the poem have been few and far between for some years now, but when there is one, I tell myself this song at the end of such day. At the same time I am hoping that there would be one like this soon again.

Srečno, draga M!

Yes, it is true

Remember my post from two days ago? When I was writing about my teacher Narcisa? My dad told me just now that she died last week. Incredible, this happens to me often. I was thinking quite a lot about my grandmom on the flight to New Zealand and she died just then, the same day. Weird.

However, I am sure that many of Narcisa's pupils remember her as one of the best, and probably the weirdest teachers ever. I liked her, even though she was not always very nice to us. I have learned from her more than from many others, and this counts. My dad liked her, too. We will both remember her often and with smiles on our faces. :)

Photos

It is nice to look back in the past, to browse through the photos I took such a long time ago. This time I've been tagged by Flora. I am supposed to show you the 4th picture in my 4th folder. The photo shows those two cats that still come every day to my backyard, looking at me with the same pleading yellow eyes like two years ago. Black one is called Pikec and the white-black one is Jack. Today they are huge cats. I wish that both had better owners than I am. They have so much to give back for just one gentle stroke of my hand.

I invite you to play along.

Memories

Yesterday I browsed through the rare photos I have from the previous century. I actually wanted to show you one from New Zealand, where I stand together with B on a parking place, he in a nightgown and me in pyjamas. It was a beautiful morning, there was no living soul around and at the same moment that the camera was heard to make "click", a car drove by. I am sure that guy in the car thought we were rather mad. :)
What always makes me cry is looking at the photos of a cat, called Kiki, which I was feeding while living in Kranjska Gora, a little town surrounded by the mountains. Her mom and siblings disappeared one day, so she was the only one to stay behind. A bit wild but at the same time very gentle. The last time I saw her, she was with four kittens of her own. I cried. Although so many years had passed, she jumped into my lap and stayed there until I had to leave. I miss her but I am not so sure that she is still there after so many years. She would be seven years old this summer.

Have a nice Monday!

And the winners are: all four of you - Piščanček, Kari, Emily and Teresa. Please leave your address at pinafelis (at) yahoo (dot) com. I have already made small packages which will go on their way to you as soon as I receive your addresses.

Memories

I found this photo on Ž's computer:One of me on my last hike into the mountains. Behind are the peaks I still have to go to. I loved the scenery there, so different from what I'd seen before. I am not sure what will be next year but I hope to be around there somewhere. Admiring all those tiny little Alpine flowers in full bloom.

And this dull or even duller (i.e. without snow) the landscape around my home will look like for another six months:
The photo was taken yesterday at around 4 p.m. Yet another month and it will be dark when I come back from work! No wonder I love spring and summer.

I've baked the cookies for my friend, she is coming over to my house in the afternoon. After I eat lunch, cooked by my dad. :) Lucky me!

Dutch twist

I've been tagged by Kristel to do a random meme with a Dutch twist. I was thinking about this yesterday and it came up my mind that lots of things that happened in my life were connected to the Netherlands and people who live there. I am afraid I won't be able to share photos on this subject as I don't have them in my home right now.
So, here it goes:

1. One of my penpals in my youth was Henriette. She was from Holland, she lived in Utrecht the last time I heard from her. She was a sweet friend, I know today that I haven't appreciated our friendship enough. I guess I had known her since I was about 15 years old. She was a bit older than me and she loved rubber stamps and decorating, creating all sorts of cards and sweet things. She loved children. After many years of writing to each other I met her one day when she was traveling through Slovenia to the Croatian coast. Her boyfriend was as nice as she was. I loved being with her. I find all Dutch people so relaxed and I have always wished I would posses some of that relaxed attitude myself (perhaps in another life if there is any). She brought me a cake then to say thank you for the hospitality. We were so poor then we could hardly manage to prepare something decent to eat! After many miscarriages she gave birth to Oliver, a sweet little boy. Perhaps our paths cross again, who knows. I hope they do.
2. The first guy I kissed with was Dutch. :) I met him when I was at the seaside in one of the Croatian camps. Lots of Dutch people come to have a vacation there and he was one of them. I was 16 and he was 18. Ronald was his name. I actually fell for his friend but there is always a twist of fate and I ended up kissing Ronald. He was from Groningen.
3. I visited Holland several times. The first time it was when I was traveling by train around Europe. I was 19. I went to see Groningen, too. We were three girls traveling together and we visited most of the capitals or big cities in Western Europe. Amsterdam was one of them. I like Holland, the houses, the space, the culture breathes out from every corner. At least that's how I saw it each time I was there. Then I was there with my colleagues from the University. I can't remember what was the occasion, I just remember roaming through the street of Amsterdam. And a lady in the red district shouting at me. :( After that I stopped there when I was traveling alone around Europe by train. It was just a short stop that time. I guess I was there the last time in 1998 (or sometime then) when one day Mr B and I decided to go on one week's trip around Benelux. It was in May, so when the tulips were in full bloom. We drove around with no specific goal and it was so relaxing. Holidays like that are actually the most precious ones.
4. At certain point in my life, when I was a teenager and also some years after that, my favorite flower was a tulip. From my first trip to Holland I brought home dark violet tulips. Some are still in my mom's garden. And there are lots of tulips in my garden too. Beauties.
5. My colleague at work has a boyfriend who is Dutch. They are expecting their first child in October.
6. The food I loved most while being in Holland were pancakes. Pannekoeken (am I right Kristel?). A sweet tooth I am.
   
7. Two years ago I was working in a joint project with people from the Embassy of the Netherlands. Pleasant people, really. So relaxed, full of imagination, never boring.
   

I think that's all that happened in my life and is connected with the Netherlands. My life has got some Dutch twist in it too. Lucky me!

I tag Emily, Kari and Bianca (yes, she is Dutch, too!). I hope you will all play along.

Internet connection

Somebody in the office above us had cut the phone cable. We had been without internet and phone connection because of this. Right, it was peaceful, very peaceful in the office and we spent lots of pleasant moments chatting about all sorts of things. Not only about the birds.

Memories
Yesterday five years ago was the last happy day of my ‘previous’ live. I was in London on that day. The happiest woman in the world. How quickly our happy world can collapse.

DressI exchanged it for the same dress of different color. I really didn’t like that green although I looked nice in it.

Old pictures
I spent the afternoon on Sunday at my grandparents. Together with my parents. We did some work, we ate a lot. My grandmom was very tired. She's got too much work to do and we are living too far away to help her with it every day. I decided to take some shots of those old photos she keeps in a box. They've been there for a few decades and here they are the first time out in the world.

My grandgrandmother Marija. My grandmom's mom. My grandgrandfather Ivan. My granddad's dad. He was from Poland, from a small village of Mecina.

In my house

I just wonder why my life can't for once be a happy one again. I have put a lot of hope into this year but many events happened that would have pushed some people over the edge. I am still here and kicking. I was just thinking of buying some new furniture for my house and what happened? This:
When you see something like this in your house then it is certainly time to ring an alarm. I don’t know what’s happening; experts will come to see this dampness today. I am afraid that there will be lots of damage. If nothing else the kitchen elements will have to be taken apart. In two days mould infested the walls, so they will have to be repainted. My dad is an optimist, I am not. I thought of going on a short vacation at the end of April but it seems that I will spend the money for renovation of practically a new house. Great! I am off to Ikea on Thursday but it seems to me that I will be buying only fabric and some small stuff which can be easily put in a box and moved to another location. The prices of real estate are enormous here in Slovenia. I can’t imagine buying a house today, only five years after I bought mine. Not even in my dreams. Although this was the first thought I had: sell the house and buy one somewhere where the water isn’t half a meter below the ground floor. I still have a little hope that everything will be alright. I don’t know what I would do without my dad. He is the one who takes care of everything when all things seem hopeless. Sometimes I just wish I could run away from all the worries. A hug helps sometimes. An ice cream, too. And a thought that I am healthy and that I live in a peaceful country. At least I hope so.